Newspaper Raises Claims of ‘Doggie-Doo Diamonds’

The Weekly World News, a publication known for its, shall we say, imaginative reporting, recently had a gemological scoop of sorts on its hands: It claims that a company is making diamonds from “dog poop.”

As there are now several real-life companies making diamonds from human remains, it is gemologically possible, says JCK‘s resident gemologist Gary Roskin, that a company could produce diamonds from doggie doo. Still, one should be skeptical, given the paper’s track record, and the fact that the company it mentions, Caninegems, could not be located.

The article did, however, show an impressive knowledge of gemology, noting that “the process is similar to a cutting-edge technique for creating industrial diamonds known as chemical vapor deposition.”

“Diamond crystals are formed from carbon atoms,” explained the company’s purported head, Dr. Florence Gurnely, “and dog droppings are packed with carbon.”

The paper noted that Caninegems acquires the manure from kennels for next to nothing (we’ll bet!) and quoted a “top gemologist” as saying the stones were indistinguishable from the real thing.

“The diamonds are absolutely dazzling,” the gemologist told the paper. “But I made sure that I washed my hands after I washed them.”