Diamonds have always been attractive to thieves. But some criminals are so inept at their trade that they might want to look for another line of work. Read their bizarre stories below:

1. The thief who tried to sell stolen merchandise to the same jeweler

You didn’t need to call Sherlock Holmes to figure out who nabbed the 2 ct. diamond ring from U.K. jeweler D.D. An hour after it was stolen, the suspect tried to hock it at the company’s nearby sister store. A clerk spotted the item—an exclusive design—and called police. This made even the retailer’s spokesman slap his head: “Why he just didn’t choose another jeweler in the high street, Heaven only knows.”

2. The thief who left his name and address

Also making things a breeze for cops was the suspect in a grab-and-run earlier this year at J. Robinson Jewelers in Lincolnwood, Ill: Shortly before allegedly fleeing with a diamond earring, he filled out a credit card application, using his real name and address. He was arrested shortly afterwards.

3. The thief who logged on to Facebook

So it turns out thieves are just like us—they’re addicted to Facebook. After being said to steal two diamonds worth $3,500 from a home in Pennsylvania, the suspect used the victim’s computer to check his Facebook page—and never logged out. He was charged with felony daytime burglary.

4. The thief who swallowed a ring at a police station

We’ll add this one to the storehouse of amazing swallowed diamond stories: After allegedly nabbing a $7,000 diamond ring, a New Hampshire house painter was brought for questioning to the local police station. During a break, he took out the ring and swallowed it. And security cameras captured it all—proving once again a police station is not the best place to commit illegal acts. The man later had to undergo emergency surgery to retrieve the item. Said one officer: “I’m not sure what goes through people’s minds when you’re in public and there’s cameras everywhere, but yeah, it is on tape.”

5. The thief who flushed real diamonds down the toilet

In 2008, a burglar from the Hubei Province of China broke into a house, taking $65,000 in jewels and cash. But he also found two extremely large diamond rings, which he figured must be fake because of their size. And so he flushed them down the toilet. Later, after he was caught, he learned the baubles were real. Once the police put the story together, they understood why the man kept saying “I’m so stupid.”

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