You heard the expression, “If life throws you lemon—make lemonade.” Well, thanks to the Weekly World News—the same publication that gave us headlines such as “MEAT-EATING LIONS DEVOUR VEGETARIAN MISSIONARIES,” and “WOMAN FINDS DEAD LEPRECHAUN IN A JAR!”—we may have a new, if somewhat raunchier, twist on the familiar saying.

The Dec. 28 issue of the weekly tabloid proclaimed: “SCIENTIST CREATES DIAMONDS FROM DOG POOP!”

According to the tabloid, a Dr. Florence Gurnley, founder of Caninegems (location not given, Web search shows no listing of the company or the person) has claimed to have a “machine” that can convert a few pounds of dog poop into “a diamond of perfect color and clarity.”

“We can create a 2-carat diamond suitable for an engagement ring that might cost $8,000 in a jewelry store—for as little as $50,” the doctor reportedly bragged to the tabloid, which has given us such exclusives as “DUCK HUNTERS SHOOT ANGEL!”

Gemologists are said to have examined the man-made stones and reportedly confirmed “that even the most experienced jeweler would be unable to distinguish them from high-quality natural diamonds,” according to the tabloid, which in 2003 declared: “HOTCAKES NO LONGER SELLING WELL.”

“These diamonds are absolutely dazzling,” one “top” unnamed gemologist told the tabloid. “But I made sure that I washed my hands after I handled them.”

Gurnley refuses to divulge details of the technology to the newspaper, only saying that the process is similar to a “cutting-edge technique for creating industrial diamonds known as chemical vapor deposition.”

“Diamond crystals are formed from carbon atoms,” she explained to the tabloid, “and dog droppings are packed with carbon.”

JCK