You heard the expression, “If life throws you lemon—make lemonade.” Well, thanks to the Weekly World News—the same publication that gave us headlines such as “MEAT-EATING LIONS DEVOUR VEGETARIAN MISSIONARIES,” and “WOMAN FINDS DEAD LEPRECHAUN IN A JAR!”—we may have a new, if somewhat raunchier, twist on the familiar saying.
The Dec. 28 issue of the weekly tabloid proclaimed: “SCIENTIST CREATES DIAMONDS FROM DOG POOP!”
According to the tabloid, a Dr. Florence Gurnley, founder of Caninegems (location not given, Web search shows no listing of the company or the person) has claimed to have a “machine” that can convert a few pounds of dog poop into “a diamond of perfect color and clarity.”
“We can create a 2-carat diamond suitable for an engagement ring that might cost $8,000 in a jewelry store—for as little as $50,” the doctor reportedly bragged to the tabloid, which has given us such exclusives as “DUCK HUNTERS SHOOT ANGEL!”
Gemologists are said to have examined the man-made stones and reportedly confirmed “that even the most experienced jeweler would be unable to distinguish them from high-quality natural diamonds,” according to the tabloid, which in 2003 declared: “HOTCAKES NO LONGER SELLING WELL.”
“These diamonds are absolutely dazzling,” one “top” unnamed gemologist told the tabloid. “But I made sure that I washed my hands after I handled them.”
Gurnley refuses to divulge details of the technology to the newspaper, only saying that the process is similar to a “cutting-edge technique for creating industrial diamonds known as chemical vapor deposition.”
“Diamond crystals are formed from carbon atoms,” she explained to the tabloid, “and dog droppings are packed with carbon.”